Whilst we’re all ‘yas free-time, girls nights out and zero man stress’ when we’re single, it can actually get a little tiring. Dating in itself is exhausting and when it comes to the month of February, those longing pangs for a partner always become that little bit louder.
But it’s not all doom, gloom and avoiding couples in the street. You can (and you will) make some changes your end to give yourself a little helping hand when it comes to finding true love. Read on for my expert tips and nuggets of advice to move yourself from the single girl checkbox to the loved up and happy checkbox.
1. Focus on the here and now
It’s easy to spend your spare time stuck in your own head, reflecting on bad life choices and bad men from the past. Or focusing on your future and the dreaded idea you have to live a life without a man around. Instead, train your mind to focus only on the present and what you’re experiencing right now.
Be happy with your current state, understand the past had to happen to get where you are now and trust in the future to serve you what you need, when you need it. For now, you are single. So be single! Your ‘live in the moment’ energy will soon attract someone who wants to live in it with you too.
2. Negative thought patterns need to stop, pronto
When we’re lamenting about our single status and scrolling through social hating on all the #relationshipgoals images, we’re creating a huge negative aura about ourselves and our current single state. This negative mindset is only going to harm yourself and project negative energy into the universe, which we all know, means you attract only negative back.
So that bad man? More bad dates? Yeah, you’ll get them all flooding back. When you sit and think “but why me, why does nobody love me?” you’re focusing on all the bad parts – which in turn only attracts the bad. You have to train your thoughts (it’s hard, for sure, but keep going) to switch to positive points about yourself and your life, every time you find your mind wandering down this vicious path.
3. Learn to accept your flaws
Have you ever thought that, maybe, your bad points are required to make you exactly who you are, and that someone will heart you as a whole, good ‘n’ bad? When we’re desperately looking for our soulmate, we try become this ‘perfect’ human we think we have to be to bag our man. Newsflash – perfect doesn’t exist.
All that happens when you do this, is you create an ideal about yourself that you cannot sustain and resent yourself when you inevitably fall off this ladder. Once you accept everything about yourself, nay, embrace it, you’re more open to finding someone who will do the same.
4. Accept their flaws too – perfection doesn’t exist
Moving nicely on from the previous point, you can’t hold out for your dream man and refuse any potential suitor who comes along because they don’t fulfill all of your 20 tick boxes. Have you ever stopped to think that perhaps your standards are unachievable?
More to the point, wouldn’t you be hurt if your ‘soulmate’ decided to call it a day with you because you didn’t earn the required pay bracket he was looking for (but he loved everything else about you)? Throw that tick list away, and every time you go on a date – take him for who he is, as he comes, and work out how you feel from thereon in.
5. Drop the desperate
Even if you tell everyone you meet (including the postman) that you are categorically not desperate – if you are desperate, everyone will know anyway. It’s a ‘vibe’ you give off. Men always sense the desperation and it puts them off – sorry but it’s a fact. Whilst it’s insanely hard to try not be desperate when you are, actually, tired and bored and desperate, you have to learn to be okay with whatever outcome you receive.
If he stops texting? Be okay with it. If he cancels the date? You almost forgot you had it planned anyway. If you learn to step back from the situation and understand that ‘what will be will be’, your desperate vibes will soon disappear, which in turn makes you more attractive to the opposite sex.
6. Say yes to the dates…just say yes
Dating can be tiring. When you have a bad date after bad date you think, why am I even bothering? But the issue with this is, that one man you cannot be bothered to go meet because of the previous bad seven – that one could be the one who will change your entire world. Put it this way, true love isn’t going to trip into your front door unannounced and sweep you off your sofa.
Also, say yes to the date that you’re not overly sure on. Not because you should be wasting even more of your time, but because you can never predict real life chemistry, nor do you ever know what you actually need, you only know what you want. These two ideas are usually completely different. Example: You may think you hate short men but that one guy who is cute and sweet but definitely shorter than you could be your perfect match. So…say yes.
7. Dating apps – re-evaluate your profile and your match choices
Okay, dating apps are a whole new dating maze and it would take me an entire article to delve into this world. Dating apps are not a bad thing and I know many who found love on there – but you need to ensure you’re putting out the right vibes and choosing the right candidates.
For a start, take another look at your profile. That drunk photo of you – does it say ‘girlfriend material’? The one with a low-cut top, are you giving off the vibes of someone looking for love, or looking for one night of fun? In your bio text, do you dictate all the things you hate about a man and in doing so, make the good men swipe away from you? Do you show off your best qualities? Do you even bother to fill in your bio? Take some time to look objectively at your own profile and make the tweaks needed to attract the person you are after.
On top of that, start to really look at who you swipe yes to, and who you reply to. Is there a common trait of man? Do they all seem to say same thing, or want the same thing? Start addressing ‘your type’ and look beyond your norms to see if you’re the one keeping yourself stuck in this vicious cycle.
8. Learn to walk at the first warning sign
Given how much we all want to be loved, if we’ve been single for a while it’s very easy to ignore certain warning signs in light of keeping the man around. So he has a short temper – we all snap sometimes right? He seems to hate how you dress – you should probably tone down anyway. He gets angry if you touch his phone or hides it when you’re around – he’s just a very private man, yeah?
No. You must start to ‘see’ the warning signs when they first appear, and learn to walk away there and then. The reason you’ve had such a bad run previously is often due to your own submission to keeping bad men around you. If you struggle to ‘see’ it for yourself, instead try picture your best girlfriend telling you about her partner’s behaviour like this.
Once you are able to dispel the bad as soon as it’s spotted…you’ll find yourself able to spot the good and keep hold of it.
9. Give yourself a makeover
Okay, so superficial stuff isn’t exactly going to help you find true love, but I do believe in the importance of self-love and confidence in yourself first and foremost. When you feel good about who you are (we’ve got rid of the negativity already, haven’t we?) and how you look – your confidence will be sky-high and this is hugely attractive to a potential partner.
So, now’s the time to give yourself a mini makeover and pampering session. If it’s booking yourself in for a much-needed facial at a top salon or buying a face mask to do at home, it doesn’t matter as long as you feel good at the end of it. Maybe you want to try a new hairstyle or a hair colour? Or maybe you just need to invest in a new mascara and make some sartorial swaps. Refresh your image to match your new single mindset.
10. Don’t consider a bad date or a short fling ‘a failure’
Finally, if you do continue dating this year and they all still end up horrendously wrong – learn not to consider this as a failure or worse, blame yourself for the outcome. Everything is a lesson to learn, even if it is a painful one.
Keep on going, keep positive about every new experience, keep an open mind to every new man and trust in the universe to deliver what you deserve and need, exactly when you need it. With an open mind and an open heart, love will soon come flooding in.