I stopped actively dating online over a year now, which is interesting to admit as someone who used to go on weekly dates with people she met off of Tinder dot com. My second ban from the number one dating app came just as I was beginning to experience dating burnout. A blessing in disguise; forcing me to step away from swiping with locals, and allowing me to experience a time where I wasn’t actively chasing partnerships. Not to say that I didn’t try to pursue other avenues – Bumble and Hinge, which rest push-notification-less in a folder on my phone’s second page, just don’t compare in magnitude of user base and emotional investment.
At first, moving on from Tinder was quite frustrating. I wanted to continue to actively date, network, and be apart of that virtual community that almost every single person participates in. Not having compliments, validation and men at my fingers within a couple of swipes left me feeling that I wouldn’t be able to pursue much dating in the future. Almost everyone I had slept with before that were people I met through Tinder, how was I supposed to navigate flirting with people I didn’t know were interested? While I have the utmost confidence in myself, when it came to being bold in real time, I always opted for the path of least rejection and kept any crushes private until the other person initiated.
Luckily, my fed up attitude with dating at the time subsided some of my feelings towards being banned; I was far from interested in finding people to date. Throwing myself into work and friends made it easier to not miss going out for drinks with people I met hours earlier through a screen. Looking back, my time spent by myself and with friends felt magnified comparatively to the time I spent swiping, talking and going on Tinder dates. I didn’t realize how draining online dating was at that point for me, no wonder I needed a break.
By the time I felt optimistic enough to start dating again, the desire for using Tinder had been forgotten, and opportunities to fuck and date people were (and still are) abundant enough to keep my current drive somewhat satisfied. I have been lucky; great partners have been ebbing and flowing into my life naturally through social circles, local events, and my industry. The only time I can say I’ve truly missed using the app is when I travel, since it provided me a great way to meet locals in different cities. Even then, life has brought me amazing international partners to keep me busy.
I’ll still sometimes whine about not having access to instant dick when I’m horny, and I’ll forever complain about the censorship of sex workers and women on online platforms, but other than that, my life without Tinder, and online dating in general, has reaped positive results. I have more time to spend enjoying my friends, and the people who naturally gravitate towards me; I’ve even improved at initiating romantic & sexual interest. Not to mention, how freeing it is to not have to entertain horrible men online. I’m unbothered, and am happy just going where life takes me.