Does Female Chastity Exist? How Can Women Enjoy Orgasm Denial?
The chastity fetish is a BDSM topic very close to my Mistress heart. I’ve written plenty about male chastity over the years, as well as a guide to chastity devices and several chastity cage reviews. What about women? Does female chastity exist? And how can women enjoy orgasm denial?
I’ve decided to collate my thoughts on female chastity as we’re approaching International Chastity Day once again, which is on the 15th February every year. Ok you got me- it’s officially International Male Chastity Day, but I don’t think women should be left out of the chastity fun! In the past I’ve written plenty about penis-based chastity, with popular articles such as:
Related: Enjoy all my chastity sexy stories and chastity advice.
Yes, I Mean Vulval, Vaginal & Clitoral Chastity
For the purposes of this article, I’m going to be calling it ‘female chastity’ and talking about ‘orgasm denial for women’ but I am aware that not everyone with a vulva/clit/vagina identifies as a woman. Gender-labelling is unfortunately still the best way for those looking for this sort of information on the internet to find it, just as penis chastity is still searched for by the term ‘male chastity’. I hope this makes sense.
Chastity For Women: What’s The Appeal?
If you enjoy regular orgasms, whether through sex, masturbation, or both, you might be struggling to understand the appeal of chastity. There is something rather excellent about being a woman who is able to go off and ‘bang one out’ any time I like. As you can see from my plentiful sex toy reviews & in my sex diary, I’m rather fond of regular orgasms.
Related: Discover my different kinds of orgasms
So why, as a woman with nimble fingers, effective sex toys, an attentive lover –perhaps all of the above- would you want to give female chastity a try?
Chastity has a lasting appeal for many kinky people, because of the potential for incomparable control over what is often a core focus in a person’s sexual life. There’s the kinky thrill of denying yourself that peak of pleasure for a time, or consensually handing over control of those orgasms to another person so that they can deny or grant at their whim. Orgasm denial and chastity is enjoyed in many kinky partnerships to forge a stronger bond between the Dominant and submissive. It’s certainly been an effective way for me to retain my submissives’ attention, interest and obedience –and I absolutely love having that power and control.
Staying Chaste As A Woman: Are There Any Benefits?
I can’t think of any physical health benefits to remaining chaste, unlike the many proven benefits of enjoying orgasms. However, if you have a kinky penchant for chastity, and/or having your orgasms controlled/denied, then of course you’ll experience heightened mental and emotional pleasure by indulging in a spot of female chastity. The physical ache, having to deny yourself the satisfaction of sating that physical urge, can be thrillingly erotic for women who enjoy orgasm denial.
Of course, if you’re enjoying chastity as part of a kinky partnership, or in your romantic relationship, you’ll also be enjoying these chaste adventures with your Top or Dom resulting in mutual pleasure. And ‘pleasure’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘orgasms’.
Do Women Enjoy Orgasm Denial? How?
As previously mentioned, you can enjoy chastity and orgasm denial either solo or with the help and guidance of a consenting partner, Top or Dom. Doing it by yourself is obviously more difficult; it takes a lot of willpower to refrain from simply going and having an orgasm when the sexual need builds to seemingly uncontrollable levels. Whether you’re using a chastity device or belt, or you’re just refraining from touching yourself and giving yourself an orgasm, if you’re in control of it all yourself then the option to ‘break’ your chastity will always be there as a distracting temptation.
With a partner, Top or Dom you also always have the option to orgasm when you like, of course. This might be at certain mutually agreed times, or you might choose/need to ‘break’ your chastity at any time by using your safeword, traffic lights or other agreed safing out method. Enjoying female chastity and orgasm denial with a partner’s guidance and enjoyment, as part of consensual kinky role-play, will likely help to keep you focused and less likely to give in to your natural orgasmic desires at any time.
As with all kinky and sex-related activities, make sure you communicate your needs and desires openly, honestly and regularly. This ensures active consent at all times, from both sides, and helps your partner understand how you’re feeling at every stage in your adventures.
My Chastity Diary Notes
I’ve dabbled in female chastity myself in the past, mainly with myself in charge of it I must admit. Not being naturally submissive I don’t have a strong desire to have my orgasms controlled and or denied by someone else like a Top or Dom. I enjoy the physical sensations of allowing my urge to orgasm to build… and build over a longer time, and to a higher, almost painful point of need, before I eventually indulge and satisfy myself. The resulting orgasm is spectacular and almost completely overwhelming.
I first wrote about my exploration and enjoyment of chastity (or at least my flavour of chastity) 10 years ago.
From a 2010 blog post
I’m wondering today, how many orgasms per week someone needs in order to feel fulfilled. Perhaps several each day, several an hour? Or are you a one-a-day man or woman? How do you choose to travel to this destination? Does it involve female chastity for you?
Even though I could orgasm daily, I choose not to. Why? I like to build up the anticipation.
My particular libido means that I require mental stimulation as well as physical. I feel that my orgasm is not merely a physical need but rather a release from erotic mental/emotional stimulation.
Oh sure, I get those times where I feel I simply have to cum, or else I’ll explode. But for the most part, as long as I orgasm every three or four days, I am ticking along nicely.
I have had some comments from people not understanding my enjoyment of the week+ female chastity while my new clit hood bar made my clitoris unavailable for stimulation. This delves into the chastity kink, which is the enjoyment (or not, I guess! but always consensual activity) of orgasm denial.
I will abstain from orgasms until the need is just touching intolerable, to really get the most enjoyment from making the anticipation last. Building that sexual tension into a frenzy, either alone or by being teased during my female chastity by various lovely friends. You know who you are!
In the past, I have refrained from an orgasm for two years. This was with an ex who did not ‘allow’ me to have sex toys, plus I couldn’t orgasm through sex with him. After months of denial, my libido all but died anyway, so the torturous agony from the kink of female chastity wasn’t there.
The trick is getting that balance between orgasming too much (in this context, as I can hear shouts of, ‘you can’t orgasm too much!’) so that it becomes instant gratification, merely flicking a button (!), and not orgasming often enough so that your libido disappears and any female chastity enjoyment along with it.
Sadly, the clit hood piercing has gone now (closed up when I didn’t replace the bar quick enough) but the rest still stands.
Related: Read about the hotness of body piercings
Female Chastity Devices
If you are a woman and/or vulva-owner who would like to try chastity, you might be wondering if there are any female chastity devices available. To be honest, they’re not as readily available and easy to find as penis chastity cages. The design of the penis and testicles lends itself a little better to being completely restricted from having an orgasm. Or at least, from having a typical penis-based ejaculatory orgasm.
Although access to the vagina (the internal part) can be restricted, other parts of the vulva such as the labial folds and particularly the clitoris can experience pleasure – sometimes to an orgasmic level – simply from a certain type of external contact. Vibrating stimulation can also be transferred through various materials – metal, silicone, even leather – to deliver a clitoral orgasm even through locked female chastity devices.
If you do wish to try wearing a female chastity device, they are usually in the style of a chastity belt which fastens round the waist. Even if you really could orgasm with it on if you tried, you might find wearing such a device keeps you focused on your orgasm control goals – whether it helps or makes it all more pleasurably tortuous. Wearing a device can raise the arousal levels you feel when enjoying chastity with a partner or Dom as well.
You can buy female chastity devices at Lovehoney USA and Lovehoney UK, as well as UK-based BDSM toy store, Uber Kinky.
As with everything BDSM, sex and related adult activities, you should be acutely aware of the physical and emotional safety of everyone involved at all times. Starting, of course, with active consent. The one who takes up the reins of control has a duty of care over the one being controlled, to ensure that they’re happy to engage in and proceed with whatever activity is happening. The one being controlled and dominated in D/s should also feel able to speak up at any time when they’re not comfortable continuing or carrying out an activity, as well as communicating their thoughts in general.
I’ve written these topics up in much more detail in articles such as:
Heighten Sensory Pleasure Through Anticipation & Denial
If chastity is something you’ve been curious about, and you’ve been wondering how to give it a go, I hope this article has proven useful for you. There’s certainly nothing ‘wrong’ with exploring your consensual kinky interests, and you don’t need to worry that you’re the only person to ever have these thoughts and feelings.
Denying yourself sexual stimulation and/or an orgasmic climax for a certain amount of time can heighten the sensory pleasure you feel during the period of denial, then result in a more powerful, explosive orgasm when you do finally get relief. Whether you’re exploring female chastity by yourself, or with the guidance and control of a caring partner or Top, I hope you enjoy your sensually erotic adventures.
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