There is No “Best” Sex Toy

It’s November right now but December is fast approaching. In the world of “people who talk about sex” December is when you start to see a bunch of lists featuring everyone’s favorite products of the year (mine is coming soon!). It’s also when a certain word fills me with nearly irrational rage. That word? BEST. As in “The BEST toys of the year!” or “this is the BEST toy on the market today!” or even “you deserve the BEST, so get this toy!”  

Over the years I’ve seen the word “best” applied to wands, bullets, dildos, and most of those clit-sucking vibrator things (hell, those toys don’t work for me at all and still this  Lelo Sona review had me thinking twice). Basically, popular toys are usually popular for a reason and when a lot of people love a toy, you will see a lot of folks talking about it.

So, what’s the problem with calling an item “the best”? 

I own A LOT of toys, I love A LOT of toys, I wouldn’t tell you any of those toys are the “best”

Let’s start from the beginning: Our society is not open enough about sex. Consequently, people often think “everyone” is doing it more and better and that any mishaps must indicate a flaw that lies with them. Add to this the trust we put in people with websites who write about sex and the unfortunate habit of writers to label things they like as “the best” and you have a recipe for folks feeling bad/wrong/broken when that thing does nothing for them. When a bunch of people who seem to know more than you call products “The Best of the Year” (when they are actually just their own specific favorite) and the same product earns that distinction from several other people, it’s easy to think the people who know about sex stuff must be right and you must be doing something wrong.

It’s not just you

Even sex writers aren’t immune to this feeling. The sex toy industry is full of wonderful products and the sex blogging and writing industry is full of excellent writing about those products. Over time you become very aware of which products are regarded as the “best,” the must-haves, and the beloved toys that no one ever speaks ill of. When one of those products doesn’t work for you, it’s easy to feel like you must be at fault.

So, how do we find awesome toys?

There are many well-made sex toys. There may even be a sex toy out there that is objectively the best-quality product on the market. When it comes to ability to get people off, however, there is no single “best.” Our bodies are all different and what we each need from toys is going to be different. Nothing works for everyone. We are all different and each have our own unique needs and preferences. We all need to find the best products for us.   

This can be hard. When we hear a lot of folks talking about something being amazing and it seems like everyone loves it, it can feel weird to go off in search of some other (possibly obscure) thing that works for you. In the end, you are spending your hard-earned money and putting your pleasure on the line. You deserve to enjoy the hell out of every toy you own.

When it comes to sex toys, there isn’t a “best.” There’s only what’s best for you, and that’s what you deserve!

This post includes a link which I was compensated to include. The opinions in it are, as always, my own.

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