Ask Oloni “My Boyfriend Speaks In A Different Language When He’s With His Friends”

Your favourite sex and relationship agony aunt

All dilemmas have been sent from real people and taken from but answered in this feature

Hi Oloni, my boyfriend is furious with me because I crashed his new BMW. I was at his house and he went to work(he’s a key worker) and I needed to use it to go shopping quick, so I didn’t tell him I was going to drive it. I’ve done it a few times with no issues. I’ve lost my job due to Covid and I can’t afford to pay the damages. He’s ignored all my calls and messages where I have tried to apologise. We haven’t spoken in a week. I’m scared he’ll break up with me. He’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and everything has been great so far. What can I do remedy the situation? 

You need to find a way to pay for those damages. You should also let him know you’ll do your best to get it covered. Let this be a lesson, do not touch peoples properties without their full consent. He could break up with you, but would he be wrong to? Give him space after explaining that you’ll try to pay whatever it is you can.

I started talking to this guy two months ago. We get on really well. We went on a couple of dates which went really well, on the third date I invited him over to mine and we had a games and movie night. We ended up having sex. Fourth “date” he came over to mine and we watched tv together and slept with each other again. I was then a bit nervous about whether he just thought that we were just fucking, so I asked him if we are just fuck buddies. He said “yes and no – he likes where we are right now”. I asked him as I want there to be potential for a relationship. I don’t want him to make a decision on whether he truly wants a commitment now, I want to know things are going in the right direction. I don’t want to be anyone’s fuck buddy, just got rid of one, don’t want a new one. Do I grow some balls and ask him properly where this is going, or is it too soon? Or do I just end things now before I end up catching feelings and it hurts me a lot more?

Be up front and simply ask properly before things get too deep.

Hey Oloni, I’m in a long distance relationship rn (Scotland-London) and today is my birthday – with restrictions and all we couldn’t meet and celebrate but I at least expected to get one of my first hbd wishes from him. Morning passed, I got messages from distant family, friends, even his own mum but didnt hear anything from him till a good few hours later. He doesn’t work on the weekends so sending me a message in the afternoon is making me feel like I’m an afterthought/ he’s not taking me seriously and it’s really ruining my day. Am I making too big a deal out of nothing or am I right to be mad? P.s. today is his brother’s birthday too but if his mum was able still reached out to me early in the day, why couldn’t he?

It really does depend on what type of person he is in general. I definitely don’t think you should make a big deal out of it though, perhaps just mentally note it.

My boyfriend has made it clear that he is not willing to speak in english to his friends (alot of them are female aunties) and he knows i only can understand a small amount of words, i have voiced that i do not like him not speaking english to them (family is understandable) and that I would NEVER speak in a different language around him as I find it rude. As he is not willing to do this, it gives me a feeling that i want to leave him as I cannot tolerate it. He does not respect my wishes right? I love him so much but I cant take it anymore

Unless he can’t speak English fluently and they can’t speak English, he’s being an irritant for no reason. Let him know that this is making you reconsider how you feel about him and go from there. If nothing changes, it might be time to seriously think about the future of your relationship.

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