2020. The year casual sex became illegal. Or it may as well have done. With strict lockdown rules being enforced, casual hook-ups and even having sex with your partner was banned if you lived in different households. But how many of us have really been pining for some penetrative action? Turns out not many.
So, the experts were asked; here’s three reasons why women haven’t really missed sex much in lockdown.
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Our anxiety has soared
Let’s face it, 2020 was far from easy for all of us, and our mental health has taken a beating. With everything going on in the world at the moment, it’s not a surprise that intimacy has dropped to the bottom of our to-do lists.
Eleanor McKenzie, editor-in-chief of erotica subscription service, LVH, says our mental health has a lot to answer for here:
“Recurring lockdowns have been a passion killer for a majority of women. Libido loss has been widely reported since the first one, and it’s a completely normal response to any crisis, let alone one that has raised anxiety levels for so many.
“Sexual health experts point to stress as the main culprit, and the pandemic has brought stress in many forms, but the one that primarily dampens sexual desire is survival stress. When we’re experiencing this, the only thing that matters is our survival, so sex that may lead to procreation goes to the bottom of the list of needs and wants.
“On top of the stress, many couples have been together 24/7. For most, this isn’t a normal situation. And the excitement you might usually feel at the thought of seeing someone after hours apart is lost. Not only that, you’re probably getting on each other’s nerves as well. It’s not a very sexy situation.”
We got intimate with ourselves in other ways
The act of having sex is incredibly intimate, and it’s something that many people value highly, sometimes even over penetrative notion itself. Aside from masturbation becoming everyone’s new favourite hobby (banana bread aside – more on this later), the pandemic gave everyone permission to slow down and really get to know themselves again.
Our very own editor M says that getting in touch with ourselves became more important for us than having sex:
“When the world stopped, we stopped. With the absence of our hectic commutes and crazy schedules, we were given permission to slow down and go back to basics. We stopped wearing makeup and applying heat to our hair every day. The weather was glorious, so we were able to get outside and reconnect with nature and ourselves. So many of us even took up baking, whether it was sourdough starters or banana bread. And I think during this time, we were able to reconnect with ourselves without the hustle and bustle and noise of everyday life pressing in on us. In doing so, we became much more intimate with ourselves.”
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We took charge of our own orgasms
Masturbation is still a big taboo amongst women, but the stigma is starting to crack very gradually. During the pandemic, sales of sex toys soared. Not only were women using the abundance of time on their hands to get busy with themselves, but they were also learning more about their own sexuality and exploring what makes them feel good. All without having to rely on a partner – penis or no penis.
Lena, Managing Director of online sex toy store, Chain and Bow, says we’ve learned to master our own orgasms, so why would we go back?
“When COVID-19 struck, everything stopped. Including people’s exciting sex lives! My heart immediately went out to all the singletons out there, but apparently my sympathy wasn’t wanted! Instead I’ve found that women out there – including myself – used it as an opportunity to really explore themselves alone, ordering a range of sex toys (not just one standard Rabbit that they would usually purchase) and off they went.
“The void of sex with another person has indeed been filled so well, that not a single lady has actually complained to me that they miss sex as of yet. I think we crave orgasm quality as females, and over the years we forget this and replace it with quantity, when in fact, the former is what makes us want more sex. If we are achieving the result alone, then we ain’t missing out at all. I can now see AI sex on the menu for women in the future, and I don’t think it will be a taboo subject either but an openly acceptable, empowering and embraceable way of having solo pleasure and mind-blowing orgasms.”