Great nudes tell a story, and that story should be more interesting than “I’m horny.” Anyone can take a lewd nude, but you’ll need to put more thought behind your naughty pics if you want to become the Annie Leibovitz of ass pics (and who doesn’t want that?). If you’re ready to take your sexy selfie game to the next level, consider this your MasterClass.
DO Make the Most of Your Lighting
What kind of lights you use, as well as their placement, is one of the most significant factors in how your photo turns out. The wrong lighting can make even the most attractive individuals look washed out and haggard (have you seen Matthew McConaughey’s mugshot? Yikes.)
I can’t believe I’m about to say this as a Liberator employee, but there’s really only one position that works well. I mean positioning for lighting, of course. You should always be facing your light source to avoid shadows that come from overhead lights. Shadows can make it seem like you have imperfections that aren’t even there, like ones in the eye sockets creating the illusion that you haven’t slept since Jenna Jameson was a household name.
Any size queen will tell you that bigger is better, and while this isn’t always the case for sex, it is for light sources. Large light sources like ones that come from expansive windows with sheer white curtains provide softness to your photos, smoothing out harsh angles and blurring imperfections. Hard light, like those that come from a shadeless lamp, exposes far too much detail, like clogged pores and wrinkles. While hard is good and soft is bad when it comes to getting dicked down, the opposite is true for sexy selfies.
DON’T Forget to Check Your Background
Will the lucky recipient of your nudes be judging your home décor choices when your beautiful bod is on display? Probably not. But does the background of your picture make a difference? You bet your ass it does. The wrong background (or, more specifically, an unclean one) can take attention away from your photo. Having tons of clutter around distracts from what should be the star of the show- you. Have you ever seen someone post a selfie taken in front of a dirty mirror? If the answer is “yes,” then that mirror was noticeable enough to stick out in your mind. The same concept only doubles when it comes to naked pictures. I’m not saying you need to hire a cleaning crew beforehand, but you should show a little respect for your home (and yourself) when you’re about to document it forever.
Worse than the unclean, though, is the embarrassing. Any nude-taker can accidentally fall victim to showcasing something intimate that they didn’t intend for the other party to see. We’re only human, and absolutely everyone has at least one embarrassing item in their home. These items aren’t always obvious like a Star Trek figurine collection (not judging… much) but are often instead so subtle even you forget it’s there. And that’s exactly how it winds up in a photo. Perhaps it’s a small tube of ointment from a long-gone problem that you keep around just in case (hi, yeast infections!). Maybe it’s a raggedy stuffed animal from childhood you just can’t bear to part with. Whatever it is, you don’t want it anywhere near your photoshoot. Carefully survey your surroundings before clicking away to make sure your unmentionables (and I’m not talking underwear) aren’t in view. Hell, double-check your photo afterward just in case your shot was wider than expected. Nothing makes you go from confident to self-conscious quicker than realizing you’ve just sent out a secret that you meant to keep.
DO Get Creative with Angles
Ask any professional photographer, and they’ll tell you that angles are everything. Angles have the power to change your appearance drastically. Now I’m not suggesting that you start catfishing or hide what you really look like (and why would you want to?), but it’s always good to know what angles make your features pop. Play around with the placement of your camera (or more likely accurate, camera phone) to see how you look in different positions. Having a go-to angle that’s flattering as hell is the best way to get yourself into the groove.
But angles are about more than what’s flattering; they can take your picture quality from “Snapchat” to “Metropolitan Museum of Art.” Experiment with pointing your camera in positions other than just straight on. Curvy bodies might find that a side profile is a great way to play up their contours, while those with long or puffy nipples may have luck shooting from above to highlight their prominence. No matter your body type or what you want to focus on, shooting from unexpected angles is a great way to give your photo a more artistic vibe.
DON’T Get Zoom-Happy
Are you ready for your close-up? You and Mr. DeMille might want to rethink that. Some things just weren’t meant to be seen in a microscopic view, and the naked form is one of them. Body parts can go from arousing to distasteful (and that’s putting it lightly) real quick when you overdo it with your camera’s zoom feature. Graphic nudes have their place, and that place is generally in professional porn. Seeing every little detail of your junk just isn’t as great in practice as it is in theory. That’s not to say you can’t show it all, but extreme close-ups run the risk of seeming like they’re better fit for an anatomy book than the next issue of Playboy.
DO Consider Your Outfit
You don’t have to be fully nude to take a good nude. In fact, sometimes a little bit of clothing can make your picture hotter. The art of the tease lends itself well to photography. Instead of getting explicit right away, try exposing hints of your goodies hidden behind lingerie or sheets. There’s no better way to get a repeat request than to leave them wanting more, right?
If you’re opting for a full-body shot but only want to show off part of it, be intentional about what you wear on the other half. What you wear (even if it’s barely anything) sets the tone of your picture. For instance, boyshorts and boxer briefs give off a casual “just woke up in your bed on a Saturday morning” girlfriend/boyfriend vibe while a G-string or jockstrap scream “unattainable vixen.”
Even little touches like accessories and makeup can go a long way in terms of their impact. When you’re wearing nothing but stiletto pumps, those pumps become even more erotic (plus they boost your butt!), and a pearl necklace worn alone hints at a different kind of pearl necklace you won’t find at the mall. All it takes is a little imagination (and a lot of nudity) to transform your standard dresser into a wardrobe station worthy of a Vogue photoshoot (if Vogue published pictures of genitals).
DON’T Use Items for Size Comparison
I’ve seen one too many pictures of penises next to Monster Energy cans, and honestly, just one would have been too many for my liking. Placing a random object beside your body to prove how big or small you are is the laziest form of impressing via photos. Not only is it lazy, but it’s not even effective. If you think I have the dimensions of a soda bottle memorized so well that I can use it as a scale for your cock, you’re mistaken. The same idea applies to any body part, any object, any size, and any gender. Bragging about the size of your sexual organs is so very high school, so please leave this move in the past where it belongs.
And perhaps most importantly, DO take this advice with a grain of salt. Are you and your boo into being hardcore? Go send an explicit, graphic photo of your gaping hole! Is the size of your bust your lover’s favorite feature? Place your tits next to some grapefruits and get to snapping! Do people constantly tell you how great your penis goes with Monster Energy drinks? Wow, that’s oddly specific, but I admit that I was in the wrong then! There’s no accounting for taste, so as long as you and your consenting recipient feel great about the photo(s), then you did a bang-up job.