Physical distancing, border closures, and travel restrictions have changed the way we date and for some folks, this has included an expansion of sexual options. One of the areas that has seen increasing interest in virtual sex and pleasure.
When we think of cybersex, we often envision private chat rooms or webcam performances, but digital sex can be so much more. Check out these seven sizzling tips to take your digi-sex to the next level.
1. Use your words
Sex can be many things — audial, visual, tactile, emotional gustatory, and more! For visual learners, what you say, how you say it and the words you use can make all the difference, so start slowly, build anticipation, and don’t jump straight into the images. Think verbal foreplay.
If you don’t know where to start, think about the past, present, and future:
- I can’t stop thinking about that time we…
- Right now, I’m just sitting here…
- As soon as I see you, I’m going to…
Or ask questions to learn more about their desires:
- What have you been thinking about?
- Have you had any hot (day)dreams lately?
- What can I do to please you?
You can entice your lover with suggestive sexts throughout the day or week and be playful with your delivery. For example, you might send a few words at a time and leave them hanging…
Or you might send them different songs that reflect your mood or desires at different points in the day.
However you sext, make sure you have their full consent in advance and check-in to see if they’re in the mood throughout the process.
2. Send voice notes
Voice notes are likely the most underused tool in our digital sex toolbox. The sound of a lover’s voice can send shivers up the spine — especially for audial learners.
Sounds are essential to auditory lovers and this goes far beyond dirty talk and phone sex. Research suggests that the sound of a lover’s voice can be a turn-on resulting in increased electrical activity in the skin and lovers who are more inclined toward the audial may find your voice even more intoxicating than your body, so use your voice box to rile them up:
- Use a low, soft voice to tell them what you want to do. Whisper a few lines and send them via text one at a time.
- Ask them for what you want.
- Tell them what you have been thinking about.
- Let them know that you’re craving them and experiencing desperation for their touch.
Your voice notes don’t have to be perfect and they’re a fairly low-pressure approach, as you can record, erase and redo to your heart’s content.
3. Send semi-sexts
Oftentimes when we think about sexting, we envision basic nudes or close-up shots of the genitals. But not everyone wants a crotch shot in their inbox, so slow down, ease up and send sexts that leave something to the imagination.
Part of what makes sexting so intoxicating is the escalation of eroticism and the building of anticipation.
Less is often more when it comes to sextual seduction, so instead of sending crotch pics, pick another sexy part and shoot it from multiple angles so that they have to take a moment or two to decipher it.
Is it a thigh crease or an elbow? Is it your wet lips or something saucier? You might send a deluge of photos all at once or send one picture per day or hour to draw the tease out over time.
And remember…tidy up the background, pick your lighting and angles so that you feel confident, and always ask before sending photos.
If you are in a new relationship with your partner and have mutually consented to exchanging sexy pics, you might limit your risk by focusing on your body from the neck down and leaving your face out completely.
4. Study the pros
If you’re curious about video sex and want to learn from the best, consider signing on to professional video chat sites.
Adult camming allows you to observe and interact with models of all genders, sexual orientations, and skillsets. You’ll likely see models chatting, performing, stripping, putting on talent shows, playing with themselves, and engaging in partnered play. They’re highly creative with their approaches to both viewer interaction and monetization and they’re pros at escalating the build-up over time to general desire and arousal.
You can choose to simply observe or chime in on the chat and however you choose to indulge, please be sure to pay them for their time. Their skills, experience, and knowledge are worthy of respect and compensation.
5. Send video clips
Video offers a more interactive means of sexting. You might pre-record short clips of yourself in the dark or engage in live chats. If you are a techie, you might string photos together and zoom in over your favorite body parts.
Or you can keep it simple and record your naked body in movement: undressing, touching yourself, playing with a toy, prepping your lube, or reaching the heights of pleasure. Videos don’t have to be long and produced — even a few seconds can be highly erotic and enticing.
And of course, you can also send sexy videos and GIFs you come across online — of other people (as long as they’re in the public domain). Complement them with a note (e.g., this made me think of you) and wait for their response…
6. Do it in the dark
Not all digital sex ought to lead to webcam sex, but if you are interested in exploring this medium, consider starting in the dark to ease the pressure. You might lower the lights so that they can only see abstract movement, or you can always play off-camera (i.e., keep the camera on and let them listen to the sounds without a direct view of your body).
Some people opt to angle the camera toward one body part only (e.g., their thighs) and others move in and out of frame to build more mystery.
7. Set up, Strip, Tease, Talk and Perform.
If you’re ready for a one-on-one video session, start by clearing the room, adjusting the lights, and selecting an angle that works for you. Choose a frame and position that you can play with for a longer period of time as opposed to an angle that may result in your tiring out in a matter of minutes.
You may opt to hide your camera’s view on your screen if you think watching yourself will be distracting or you can choose to highlight your view if you like to see yourself in action.
You might begin by simply talking. Ask them what they want to do and what they want to see and hear. Listen and give them feedback. Be playful or powerful according to your own comfort level.
Let them know what you’re into. How are you feeling? What’s going on in your body? What do you want to see and hear? Do you have any requests?
If you’re feeling relaxed and turned on, you might start to undress (perhaps wear extra layers to have fun with the process).
As you undress, ask them what they’re feeling. Let them know what’s coming next and then pause so they have to wait for it.
I’m going to unzip my top now. Do you want that? Let me just warm up my lube. Wait a minute…
Play with a tit-for-tat approach if it suits you.
If you show me yours, I’ll show you mine or I want to touch myself, but I want to see you undress first.
Play the director role and tell them exactly what to do.
Sit down on the edge of the bed. Look straight into the camera. Touch your lips with your fingers. Stick your finger into your mouth. Now look down and unbutton your pants…
Or ask them to direct you.
Tell me what you want. Should I sit over here? Do I need any props? Which sex toy should I use? Is there something you want to see tonight? Tell me how you like it.
Talk about what you’d do if you were in the same room.
I’m going to come over and bend you over. You’re going to strip down for me. I’m going to taste you…
Or describe exactly what you’re doing step by step — slowly and purposefully.
This is for you. Just one button…at a time. It feels good. Can you see? I’m trembling a little. And I can feel my breathing getting hot…
There is no right or wrong way to have digital sex, so keep an open mind and continue to experiment. Approach new encounters with a sense of humor knowing that not everything has to run smoothly. Tech hiccups, chat typos, misspeaks are the norm, so lean into them and focus on pleasure, connection, and the thrill of trying something new in your sex life.