Episode 37: Inside an Affair – Sex, Lies, and Cheating

June 4, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller

What does an affair really look like? What do people do, say, and feel when they cheat on a romantic partner? And why do so many people commit infidelity in the first place? In this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, we take you inside an affair.

I interviewed Dr. Dylan Selterman, who is a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He is a social and personality psychologist by training, who studies topics relating to attraction and dating, romantic relationships, sexuality, and dreaming.

Dylan has published an extensive body of research on infidelity, and we dive into some of the key things he has discovered, including:

  • What counts as “cheating” anyway?
  • How common is infidelity?
  • What are the main reasons why people cheat? And do those reasons vary across men and women?
  • What are the most common intimate behaviors that take place during an affair? Are affairs really all about sex?
  • How often do affairs lead to breakup?
  • How is infidelity similar or different in same-sex vs. mixed sex relationships?
  • Is there ever anything positive than can come out of an affair?

To learn more about Dylan, follow him on Twitter at @seltermosby and check out his Psychology Today blog titled The Resistance Hypothesis.


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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Written by

Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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