Written by Davia Frost
Though many are familiar with the term “tantric sex,” the actual definition and benefits are far less well-known. Tantra is an ancient spiritual intimacy practice developed in India thousands of years ago to help us understand and harness our full sexual potential. There is a range of different Tantra styles, lineages, and orientations—I myself am a student and practitioner of “Authentic Tantra,” which is rooted in the five Tibetan elements (fire, earth, space, air, and water), which correlate with the five basic senses of the human experience.
The point of tantric sex is to tantalize all your senses—taste, touch, sight, smell, and sound—to create a layered event of passion, play, and delicious pleasure.
Sight / Fire
For sight, which enriches the fire element, you’ll want to make sure the space you’re utilizing is not only clean and clutter-free but also visually stimulating. You could set the mood of a room by dimming the lights and adding some candles to your space. I love using a mixture of pillar candles and battery-operated ones with a natural flicker. I may even turn on a red LED light to add color to my space, but that’s because I personally love the red hue and find it further enriches my fire chakra! I also like to wear something that my partner and I both find visually appetizing that is easy to remove in the heat of the moment. Flowers are also pretty cool for another layer for visual stimulation. Go ahead and get creative!
Sound / Space
Sensual playlists are a great way to enhance the sound in a room, which correlates to our space element. Your playlist may consist of songs or even ambient noises that get you in the mood. Play around with volume levels to find what works for you—some couples may prefer to keep sounds at a lower volume so they can hear each other easily, while others may prefer their playlist loud to drown out other sounds for more privacy.
Smell / Air
For smell, which enriches the element of air, I love to light incense or turn on my diffuser with scents that also play on aphrodisiacs but aren’t overpowering. Black pepper, rose, peppermint, Ylang-ylang, ginger, and sandalwood are a few of my favorites.
Touch / Water
For touch, which enriches the water element, try bringing in a bottle of your favorite massage oil to encourage sensual touch. I like to bring soft items into the play area to mix things up—like using silk ties or feathers to glide and tease the skin, for instance. You could try engaging in temperature play to spice things up: this could involve using ice, or cold toys, body-safe wax, or massage candles. Get creative, be adventurous, and remember to advocate for what you want as well as clearly communicating what you don’t want. Don’t forget to add plenty of pillows for comfort, especially to support your knees and backs. I tend to use the Wedge a lot. I’m also a big fan of the Fascinator Throw and Center Stage—not only are they velvety in appearance and texture, but they’re also cushiony and waterproof!
Let’s be honest: with the hustle and bustle of life plus the stress of navigating a new reality after lockdown, we all could carve out some time in our life for the pure purpose of pleasure. Using our senses and enriching our five elements allows us to enhance our sensual experiences and lose ourselves in sensation for an all-encompassing erotic experience.
Davia Frost of Frosted Pleasure is a certified sex and relationship coach who uses tantra in her teachings to improve her students’ sex lives.