Episode 29: So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex

April 9, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller

Sex and Psychology Podcast

Episode 29: So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex


Dr. Ian Kerner is the Sherlock Holmes of sex—he’s a detective who helps people to understand the mysteries behind their sexual problems. His approach to sex therapy begins with a simple question: “So tell me about the last time you had sex.” This question establishes the “scene of the crime,” and then it all becomes a matter of searching for the clues that led up to it.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Kerner, who co-leads the sex therapy program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in New York City. He is the New York Times best-selling author of the book She Comes First, and his latest book titled: So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.

We talk all about Dr. Kerner’s unique approach to sex therapy, how people at home can use it as a form of self-help, and general tips for improving your intimate life.

Specific topics we cover include:

  • How is sex therapy like a form of detective work? And how can this approach help sex therapists to better serve their clients?
  • How can you better understand your own—and our partner’s—sexual scripts, and why is this a vital first step in fixing a sexual problem?
  • What are the different frameworks for sexual desire? And what can you do if you and your partner have different desire frameworks?
  • How is sex therapy similar or different with heterosexual patients compared to LGBTQ patients?
  • Why is it important for us to change the way we think about our own sexual fantasies?
  • How can you more effectively communicate about your fantasies with a partner?

To learn more about Dr. Kerner, check out his website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of his new book, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.


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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

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Written by

Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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