Just about everyone is familiar with Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages at this point, the idea that individuals tend to appreciate and express affection primarily through either words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, or acts of service. The best-selling book quickly had couples and singles alike taking quizzes to find out their love language and use that information to improve their relationships, but did they ever stop to think how the ideology could be applied to sex?
Well, I did. In fact, I spent a lot of time thinking about it—so much time that I was able to come up with an array of ideas to appeal to the five love languages with a dirty spin. So as a gift to you (since that’s my love language), I’m sharing all the freaky ways you can better connect with your partner with meaningful intent.
I’ve got two words for you (and then a lot more to follow): dirty talk. Dirty talk is a natural fit for translating words of affirmation to the bedroom, and it’s an easy skill to learn if you aren’t born with the gift of filthy gab. Yeah, there’s the obvious stuff like, “Your [body part] feels so good” or “You make me so fucking wet/hard,” but you’ll want to go further than that if your partner gets off on talk and compliments.
The key to going beyond the basics lies in noticing details and being descriptive. Think long and hard about the characteristics that are unique to your partner, and let them know just how hot those characteristics make you! The more specific you are about what’s turning you on, the more genuine the affirmation will read.
A couple of examples of how to be more descriptive when talking dirty:
- Instead of saying, “Your dick feels so good inside me,” try, “I can’t get enough of your cock. The way it curves slightly upwards and hits all my hot spots drives me absolutely wild.”
- Instead of saying, “Your skin is beautiful,” try “Your freckles are adorable. The little splattering of dots along your collarbone makes my heart race whenever you wear a low-cut top, and I catch a glimpse of them.”
Another great way to employ dirty talk is through the art of sexting (and yes, there is an art to it.) Random sexts without context (which is the title of my upcoming EP, by the way) may feel forced or jarring to the recipient, so try to start the dialogue with a story or reason for said sext. Once saucy convo starter is to recall a super hot memory from your sex life together; tell your boo you were just thinking of that moment, and go into detail about what made it so remarkable. Another option is to tell them about a wet dream you had “last night” about them—doesn’t have to be true, just make one up! Either way, you’ll have a natural sexy starting point to carry on from.
Spending time with your loved one will surely bring you two closer—especially if that time is spent in the buff. While all sexual activity inherently counts as an activity, there are far more creative ways to bond with your boo than your run-of-the-mill romp in the sack. Planning more involved sexy activities is not only a great way to bond but also a surefire way to spice things up.
One of my personal favorite fuck activities (beyond, y’know, fucking. And BDSM, if I’m being honest) is playing sex board games. Couples’ games are fab for trying out new acts you may not have thought to explore and also spark a bit of competitiveness that can add some fuel to your fire.
If you really want to make a night of it (and wind up with some hella cool wall art later), then Love Is Art kits are a perfect fit for your carnal connection. Love Is Art is a body painting kit where couples lather each other up in paint, then fool around on the provided canvas to create a one-of-a-kind erotic artwork with abstract results discreet (and stunning) enough to hang up in your home without arousing suspicion as to how the horny statement piece was made. Hell, you could even roleplay as a pervy Picasso if you want to up the ante!
Speaking of roleplay, playing pretend is another fab avenue for kinky quality time. Check out our roleplay guides Nailing the Details: Fully Fleshed Out Roleplay Ideas and Bring Your Roleplay to the Next Level to learn how to pull off a flawless roleplay sesh!
If you prefer to keep things simple (but no less saucy), try donning or having your partner don a wearable remote-controlled toy out on your next date night. App-controlled sex toys like the We-Vibe Bond vibrating cock ring and the Lovense Lush 3 connect to your phone through Bluetooth so you can easily control your lover’s toy in public without a suss remote outing your kinky fun. Wearable toys allow couples to enjoy more traditional bonding activities like a nice restaurant meal or drinks and dancing out on the town with an added sexual thrill! You could even both wear a discreet vibe and control each other’s throughout the evening for an even teasing/playing field.
Step 1: Cut a hole in a box.
Step 2: Put your junk in that box.
Step 3: Make them open that box.
And that’s the way you do it.
Or you could go a simpler route with something pre-made. There’s always the obvious yet no less well-received option of gifting a sex toy (read our blog Provocative Presents: Tips for Successfully Gifting a Sex Toy to ensure your boo loves your pick!), but that’s not the only sexy gift option available. Buying your partner a new titillating lingerie set, or buying one for yourself and letting your partner unwrap you instead, is a tried and true pervy present choice.
Then you have the easy-to-achieve yet incredibly effective present of sending a well-timed and well-taken nude. (And, yes, we have a guide for that, too. Check out The Art of the Nude: Do’s & Don’ts for Naughty Pics to make your slutty selfies look fire!)
Even better than your standard nude is doing a full boudoir photoshoot if you have the resources. Find a trustworthy local photographer whose boudoir portfolio you enjoy and pay them for an arousing set of personal photos with professional results. Once you receive your no-doubt jawdropping finals, pick your favorite of the bunch, frame it, then gift it to your belusted!
The majority of sex acts are already based on touch, so you’ll need to kick it up a notch to make the physical contact special and truly focused on affection and appreciation. The best way to differentiate erotic touch as a love language from standard sexual touch is to choose the how, where, and why with intent. Foreplay, in particular, is ripe with opportunities for translating your affection into sexual touch.
Enacting a slow buildup, even bordering on teasing, can make foreplay extra impactful. Taking your time with your partner’s body demonstrates that you want to worship it and appeal to their needs rather than using them as a way to get your rocks off like a human Fleshlight or dildo. In terms of setting, the less sexual the space you’re in, the better. After all, what says “I can’t keep my hands off you” more than getting a little grabby in a public place? When out to dinner, or anywhere really, a firm grip of your lover’s thigh delivers a strong message of desire. Feel free to let go now and then to play around with the area, too. Gently stroke up and down, run lazy circles with your fingertips as you converse, then return back to your hold, only to place your hand slightly higher than its original resting spot.
It should go without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that erotic massage is the perf activity for those who identify physical touch as their love language. Take turns giving and receiving sensual massages or let the lucky lover of touch be the sole star of the show—either way, you’re in for a relaxing and arousing time.
You don’t have to become a love slave to tap into your boo’s yearning for acts of service (though sexual servitude isn’t a bad idea, honestly). For the five love languages, acts of service typically mean taking care of a chore or task for your partner, so they don’t have to do it themselves. All you need to transform this love language into a fuck language is to put a sexy spin on those tasks! For instance, you could prepare and serve your lover’s favorite meal while wearing nothing but an apron. If their least favorite chore is cleaning, consider deep cleaning their home and replacing dust and dirt with rose petals and scented candles for a romantic post-chore afterparty.
Not keen on the idea of taking over your boo’s chore list? You could always perform a selfless sex act that puts all the focus on them and none on you. Go down on your lover as the main event and insist they don’t return the favor. Put on your favorite show and give them a handjob or engage in a skillful fingering sesh as you watch together. The sky’s the limit in terms of how you please them; just make sure you’re catering to their carnal needs and not yours as a couple to demonstrate that you’re doing it all for them.
Most couples would agree that passion and emotional connection are equally important elements of a fulfilling romantic relationship, so why not apply equal effort to both? By addressing each other’s specific sexual desires (A.K.A. fuck languages), you’ll wind up with a more satisfying sex life and, by proxy, a stronger relationship, too.