Episode 113: Hot and Unbothered – How To Have the Sex You Really Want

July 26, 2022 by Justin Lehmiller

Sex and Psychology Podcast

Episode 113: Hot and Unbothered – How To Have the Sex You Really Want


We’re often our own worst enemies when it comes to having the sex we really want. Shame, secrecy, self-doubt, fear of failure—all of these things have a way of interfering with our ability to pursue pleasure. In order to have great sex, we need to change our entire sexual mindset. So that’s what this episode is all about: how to feel hot, but unbothered.

I am joined by Yana Tallon-Hicks, a relationship therapist and sexuality educator. She is author of the new book, Hot and Unbothered:  Some of the topics we discuss include:

  • How to cope with “sexual imposter syndrome.”
  • How to overcome fear of sexual failure.
  • How to build up your sexual self-confidence.
  • How to learn what it is that you really want from sex.
  • How to “hear no like a pro” (i.e., what to do when you and your partner aren’t on the same page about sex).
  • What to do when your sex drive gets out of synch with that of your partner.

Check it out! To learn more about Yana, visit yanatallonhicks.com and follow @the_vspot on Instagram. Also, be sure to check out her new book, Hot and Unbothered.

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!


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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

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Written by

Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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