Episode 128: How To Stop Having Bad Sex

September 16, 2022 by Justin Lehmiller

Sex and Psychology Podcast

Episode 128: How To Stop Having Bad Sex


A lot of people in long-term relationships lose desire for sex and start thinking there’s something wrong with them. But, in many cases, the problem isn’t that they lack desire per se–it’s that they’ve simply been having bad sex. They lost interest in sex because it just wasn’t worth having, which means that getting desire back isn’t about taking some pill or medication; rather, it’s about making sure that you’ve having sex that’s worth having. So let’s talk about how to make the shift from bad sex to good sex.

My guest today is Dr. Kelly Casperson, a urologist, sex educator, author, and podcaster whose mission is empowering women to live their best love lives. She is author of the new book You Are Not Broken: Stop Should-ing All Over Your Sex Life. Some of the topics we discuss include:

  • The three main types of “bad sex.”
  • Why you need to stop approaching sex by thinking about what you “should” do.
  • Why it’s a bad idea to use sex as a bargaining tool in a relationship.
  • What it means to have good sex.
  • Why perfection shouldn’t be the goal of sex and we should be aiming for “good-enough sex.”
  • How to stop having bad sex.
  • Tips for having good (or at least good-enough) sex.

To learn more about Kelly, follow @kellycaspersonmd on Instagram and check out her book You Are Not Broken.

Thanks to the Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

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Written by

Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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