Make Your Home A Sexy Haven (without buying stuff)

Over the years I’ve talked a lot about the proliferation of toys and other sex paraphernalia that fill my home but what I’ve never discussed is how, in spite of all of that, my home frequently feels not-at-all sexy. What? Why? How?! The thing is, sexiness isn’t all about stuff, it’s also about how you see your home, how you feel there. For me, a lot of my feelings towards my home are rooted in the the amount of time I spend cocooning there. I’ve been in a seemingly-endless depressive episode for literally years (it’s like a cockroach, nothing seems to kill it!) and that has seen me basically living on my couch with my blinds drawn. This has made my house feel like a dark, dim, cave that is definitely not at all sexy. I think, given all the quarantining of the last couple of months, a lot of folks may be feeling the same way about their homes and I would love to give you all some advice about how to fix that without spending a bunch of money; without buying stuff.

Don’t get me wrong, I also LOVE the stuff and will always gladly tell you where you can get awesome toys, accessories, and sex furniture but I think it’s important to remember that sexiness doesn’t require buying stuff. With that in mind, lets talk about a couple of ways you can make your home feel like a sexy haven without breaking the bank.

Remember, there’s no one way for your space to be “sexy”. Do what works for you


Yeah, I’m sorry, the first one is really boring, I promise they won’t all be like this. When your home is cluttered it can feel chaotic and that feeling can really impact your state of mind. I know when there’s stuff piled all over the place (I tend to develop piles of mail and clothing. Separate piles of each but still, it’s not great), I get really anxious and it’s so hard for me to feel sexy. Not to mention the fact that I don’t want anyone to see all my clutter so I stop having people over which really just feeds my whole “my house is not a place for sex” feeling. So, clear up the clutter! Whether that means going through all that mail, figuring out what you can get rid of to free up storage space, or just putting stuff away, decluttering is your first step on the road to having a sexy home.

Set up your house (or at least your bedroom) like you expect to have sex there

A big issue that keeps our homes from feeling sexy is that we don’t act like we are going to have sex in them. This is in some ways an extension of how a lot of folks treat sex in general; like it’s an add-on, a bonus, a thing that might happen but we definitely don’t want to focus on. So let’s change that! You don’t have to go all out and install a sex swing, ceiling mirrors, and a lube fountain (though, if that works for you, go for it). There are a couple of quick and easy ways you can make your bedroom more conducive to sex:

  1. Get your condoms and lube out of the bottom of your night stand drawers and put them somewhere easily accessible (you know, like you plan on using them!). When I first did this (way back in college) I painted an old cigar box and put it on my nightstand. These days I keep condoms in a basket on top of my nightstand. Honestly though, it can be as simple as cleaning out those nightstand drawers and organizing them so you know where stuff is and can get to it quick.
  2. Set up your bed so it’s inviting for two. Now, this one may not be doable for everyone (for years I lived in an NYC apartment where it was not possible) but it you can, put your bed somewhere where both sides are accessible. So, you know, not up against a wall. This is a simple thing that has always made spaces feel sexier for me.
  3. Whatever else works for you. In my first grown up apartment (the one where my bed had to be against a wall), one of the first things I did was install a hook next to the bed and hang my sexy, silky robe there. The idea was “when I’m all naked and post-coital I will be able to easily slip this on when I go to the bathroom or whatever” and it was perfect.


Here’s the thing: while your house being in disarray can make everything feel a lot less sexy, even the best laid (get it?!) homes can’t make you feel sexy if you don’t feel it. So, take care of yourself, do things that make you feel sexy, and channel your inner Lizzo. This, maybe more than anything else, will help make your home a sexy haven without you having to spend a dime.

This post contains a sponsored link. The opinions in it are, as always, my own.

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