Has sex gotten boring as of late? Looking for a way to spice things up in the bedroom? Come on, it’s a new year. Why not venture into uncharted sexual waters to ring in 2023? If you’re feeling adventurous, I’ve got the perfect thing for you: rimming.
Despite the undeniable pleasure that can arise from butt play, many people still clench unnecessarily with even the thought of something foreign getting close to their anus. While it’s true that your backside is involved in some pretty unsexy things like trips to the bathroom and colonoscopies, it’s also full of nerve endings and possibly your untapped source of sexual pleasure. If you’re interested in all things anal, check out our previous discussion on the topic here. But for today’s lesson, we’ll exclusively be focusing on rimming.
Rimming, or anilingus as it is often called, involves performing oral stimulation on your partner’s anus. Before you go clutching your pearls and making “eww, gross” faces, hear me out. Rimming is just one more tool in your sex toolshed that can help make bedroom time even more titillating. For those unfamiliar with the art (and it’s definitely an art) of rimming, let me be your anilingus guide into a brand-new world. What follows are some tips on how to rim like a pro and important things you should know about rim jobs before diving in head first.
I’m not that kinky
Rimming gets a bad rap. That is, people think rimming is something dirty, something only sexual deviants engage in. While rimming can be kinky, you don’t have to be a member of the kink community to enjoy it. Rimming isn’t something to be ashamed of. A lot of people also think that only certain groups of people (like gay men) partake in rimming. Well, I’m here to tell you that just isn’t true. It doesn’t matter who you like or how you identify. If you have a booty hole or a tongue, you can enjoy rimming also! So, leave behind your preconceived notions and get out your notepads. You’re about to get a crash course in anilingus.
Does it really feel that good?
The short answer is: yes. It all goes back to those wonderful nerve endings we mentioned above. The internal and external anal sphincters are rich in nerve endings. Many of these nerve endings are most abundant around the anal opening, but the outermost part of the rectum also has them. This means that even the light caress of your partner’s tongue on your backside can intensify sexual pleasure and take your orgasm to the next level. Plus, the taboo, bad-rap nature of rimming we discussed can also make it an exciting activity to explore. The raunchiness of it all can be psychologically arousing for some. If you’re someone who gets off on taboo fantasies, rimming may be precisely what the doctor ordered.
Rim jobs are like snowflakes
No two are the same. Like the old saying goes, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” The same can be said for rimming. Part of the art of rimming is learning what technique works best for you and your partner. Think of it as developing your own anilingus style or language. Some people enjoy lapping up their partner’s backside like an energetic puppy drinking from a hydrant. Others dart their tongue in and out or flick the anal surface vigorously. Still, others like to blow lightly onto “the other hole,” which can be especially stimulating. Some even like to pretend they are making out with their partner’s anus and employ certain French kissing techniques they learned in adolescence. When it comes to good rimming practice, the possibilities are endless.
If you’re not used to butt play, you may not be accustomed to thinking about sexually transmitted infections (STI) associated with this kind of sexual activity. But like with many other types of sex, it’s important to take proper precautions when rimming to ensure you and your partner are protected. The most common types of infections associated with rimming include hepatitis A, human papillomavirus, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, and syphilis. Bacterial infections from your partner’s gut can also occur. Remember: many anorectal STI are asymptomatic and not necessarily something you can see. So, discussing STI testing with your partner before burying your head in their butt can make sure you’re both aware of the risks involved.
Like we learned with COVID, good hygiene is key to staying safe. Start by washing your hands and any other parts that may be involved in your planned butt play. Do this before and after anal sexual activity. Gently cleaning the external anal area along with the beginning of the anal canal helps lower the risk of infection. This is pretty easy to do with soap and water. Many newbies assume that anal douching is necessary before any type of anal sex, but douching is really a matter of preference. If you’re considering going the extra mile to keep things clean, keep in mind that douching too often can lead to irritation, mucosal injury, and disruption of your helpful bacterial gut microbiome. Using a barrier method, like a dental dam, can help reduce the risk of STI as well. Once your rimming love sesh has come to an end, take a minute to shower off and use mouthwash. These too can help lower rimming-related STI transmission.
If you’re particularly worried about staying clean but find cleaning and douching somewhat overwhelming, consider switching up your diet. That’s right, when it comes to anal play diet is of the utmost importance. Consuming a high amount of fiber or taking fiber supplements can make all the difference. Some examples of high-fiber foods include legumes, vegetables (especially broccoli), leafy greens, berries and other fruits, avocado, whole grains, and unprocessed bran. Our modern Western dietary habits can make consuming a healthy amount of fiber daily difficult. Supplementing fiber can be as easy as taking an over-the-counter capsule or mixing fiber-rich powder with your favorite drink.
Now that you’re clear on how to keep clean, let’s discuss some important points about how to get rimming started. First and foremost, get consent. Rimming is not something one should dive into. You definitely want to give your partner a heads-up before going down under. Trust me, no one likes that kind of surprise.
With both parties on board, it’s time to experiment with rimming positions. If you’re on the receiving end, figure out which pose is easiest and most enjoyable. Getting rimmed can feel vulnerable at times, so stick with whatever feels most comfortable. Once you’ve gotten to know your partner better, consider switching up positions. Lay on your back with a pillow underneath you, get on all fours, or lay on your stomach. Hell, even sit on your partner’s face. All of these will give them access to your hole and can help keep sex interesting.
Once you’ve mastered Rimming 101, consider adding accessories to the mix. Let rimming be your initial foray into full-blown anal. Maybe start with a finger or two. Try using a butt plug or dildo on your partner once you’ve moistened things up with your tongue. Vibrators on the anus can also drive your partner wild, especially if your tongue starts to get tired. And for those with a penis or strap-on, there’s always the option to go all in.
Another great rimming accessory is lubrication. The anus and rectum do lubricate some on their own, but not quite as well as the vagina. So don’t be afraid to add a little lube of your own. There are flavored, warming, and sensitizing lubes. There are oil-based, water-based, and silicone. And there are even some made especially for the addition of your favorite toy.
Rimming can sound scary, but some of life’s greatest indulgences can also. Hopefully, this discussion has opened your mind and anus to the potential pleasures of rimming, both giving and receiving. So why not give it a chance and resolve to try rimming this year? Trust me, you won’t regret it.